"Yes joba?"
"Look at that plane! It's going so fast!"
"It is."
"I bet it's going 100 hours a mile!!!"
"That's actually really slow, joba."
"Oh. Ok."
Every morning is a panic. Have you ever had to get 3 boys changed and feed them breakfast and get them ready for school? Sounds easy, eh? It's not. No matter how much you plan, it's always chaotic and every day you find yourself screaming "Hurry up! We're Late!!"
It's as if they find the slowest way to do something, and then as the week progresses, they find more and more slower ways to do it. For example - on Monday, I told them to put on their snow pants and jacket. "Okay mommy" they yell. I trusted they would do just that. Quietly put their stuff on. Simple instructions, no?
You would think. It's like - 8:00. I have a good 20 minutes before we have to leave. I'm good on time right? So I slow down - take some time to pick my work clothes. 8:15 - I go downstairs to put on the kids shoes. There they are. Arguing and screaming.
"Jacob closed the closet"
"Nalas eating my glove"
"I can't find my boots"
Blood pressure rising. I then go on a yelling rant "you guys have been here for 20 minutes and you don't have your jackets on?!?!" Then I start barking orders. "Joba - get your backpack. Teo - get your boots on. Jacob - come here!!"
And so begins my Monday morning. Tuesday's and Wednesday's and Thursday's are all the same. And then it's the weekend. Here's where I yell at them to clean their rooms or to take turns.
I find I'm constantly yelling. It's exhausting. I don't want to yell anymore.
This one time this week we were late, rushing over the field and running to school. Teo has his asthma and Jacob is running off in a direction and joba is beside me and points at the plane. And then we have this funny conversation. All of my responses were so abrupt.
I found I was so focused on rushing and getting them to school that I never stopped to talk to joba. I never told him why 100 hours a mile is super slow. I never stopped to enjoy the conversation where we were saying maybe the plane is going to Africa or France to visit the Eiffel Tower. I didn't even know joba knew what the Eiffel Tower was. I never stopped.
I don't want to rush through life anymore. I just want to be a mom. I want to enjoy every moment and every conversation with my children because one day - they won't want to talk to me anymore. One day, they'll be on their own cell phones talking to their own girlfriends about slow planes.
I don't want that right now. I'm not ready for them to grow up - and I always say that but am I even taking the time to spend with them and admire and love them at this specific age? We say we're not ready for them to grow up - but maybe we need to take some time and get ourselves ready by loving them now.
I love my kids more than anything else in the world. I would do anything for them. Do they know that? I yell at them so much - do they even know how much I love them?
I want to yell less and love more for my children. I want to be the mom they need me to be because in this world full of hatred and anger - the last thing they need is to come home or wake up to a yelling mom. Let's all love our kids so they know what it is.
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