The Battle of the Toothpaste

And there it is again. That dreaded, lifeless, empty tube of toothpaste. You know, honey bunches of oats, we have like ten full tubes downstairs!!!

Oh he knows that. He knows. This is a game now. He's testing me. A game that I will win. I WILL WIN!!

For the longest time - I would walk into the bathroom in the morning and I would find that lifeless, empty tube. Then - I would have to go down those three flights of stairs to get another toothpaste. First thing in the morning!!! I know what you're thinking - just put the full tubes in the upstairs bathroom!

No. ITS THE PRINCIPLE PEOPLE. Like when the rule in the Simpson house was if the garbage falls you take it out. Homer resorted to stapling banana peels to the garbage bin to avoid tipping the leaning tower of garbage JUST so he wouldn't have to take it out. 

Well soap AND toothpaste is our homes' garbage bin fiasco. I will NOT replace the toothpaste. Though it be empty, there be some still. That is my life's mantra. At least until hubby decides to refill it. 

This time - the battle will be won by me! The wife! And if I have to refrain from brushing my teeth due to the empty toothpaste, then SO BE IT. Bring it on husband!

#winning

Signing off,

Stinky Breath mammatch 

The Tooth Fairy

So - Josiah (we call him Joba) lost his tooth about 3 weeks ago. He lost it at school. They took him to the office and put his tooth inside a tooth fairy envelope. He went home all excited and showed me the envelope. I was all excited, and sad cuz jobas getting older, but excited for him. 

He ran and told me "mommy, mommy, I'm going to put this under my pillow and see what the tooth fairy gives me!"

My outside reaction was "OK! Let's see what she gives you!" 

My internal reaction was "who told you about this tooth fairy woman, and I hope she's real. Cuz if she's not - do you take debit?"

So, the afternoon passes. We watch iron man and read stories of giant peaches and such. He soon gets tired and off to bed he goes, leaving the tooth on the windowsill. I forget about it and such too so all is good in the hood. 

A week passes by and joba comes to me and says "mommy, the tooth fairy didn't give me anything."

Womp womp. Riiigghhhht. The tooth! "Well joba! You have to put the envelope under your pillow silly!" 

So the afternoon passes and we read books and watch iron man cartoons and such. The kids go to bed and wake up. Life goes on. 

A week passes and yesterday morning Joba goes "mommy, the tooth fairy didn't give me anything...."

Double womp womp. RIIGGGHHHTT that darned tooth!! 

"Well Joba, I said you have to put it under your pillow! How else is the tooth fairy going to know you lost your tooth, you silly bum!"

"But mom...I did put it under my pillow!"

Triple womps. Internally slaps forehead. 

 "Oh.....well maybe she's on vacation and didn't get a chance to do her duties"

"But mooommmm, it's been under my pillow for over a WEEK!!"

Ultimate #motherfail

This kid is lucky I'm quick minded on Sunday mornings. 

"Well Joba! Maybe she's been on a two week vacation! Sometimes people go on two week vacations you know!"

I'm a genius. 

"Okay mom. Hopefully she comes back soon."

So we go to church, get on with our Sunday afternoon and evening. The kids go to bed. Busy busy day. 11:45pm rolls around...

"OMG Honey!!! Grab some coins and put it under jobas pillow! I told him the tooth fairy was on vacation but she'd be back soon."

Joel runs to my wallet, excitedly pulls out some coinage and sneaks into the kids room and does the magical swap - a month old rotten tooth for a dollar. And he also added a wonderful note. 

The next morning:

Let's just say Josiah was happy the tooth fairy came back from vacation. 

Lessons Learned:

As a parent it's important to be quick minded and witty if you want to trick your children into believing in a fairy who buys rotten teeth from little children.